MidLifeCrisis

There is so much going on in my life right now both good and bad. There are way to many emotions floating around that I can't get a grasp of what's real and what's just overreaction. Many of my friends have been having birthdays...not just any birthday but the 21st. Every American knows that the 21st is a HUGE DEAL. I am looking forward to mine but part of me fears that I may not make it. On Monday my best friend's twin brother died. He was 21!! Though he didn't die a violent way, he wasn't sick either. He just didn't wake up for work. All I can think is what?? In WHAT universe is that okay? WHAT do you say to your best friend when she's lost the one person whose been through it all with her? WHAT do you say to the parents that have just lost there second child and only son? WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! I am so looking forward to becoming this great person, this awesome ADULT but what stands in my way is life. Life can play so cruel tricks and jokes on people and right now I'm just waiting for the punchline in mine. How long before the one person that I care for in a way that defies normal realizes that we are not right for each other? How long before my bright eyed nephew realizes that I'm not as cool as he thought? How do you get back to that path you so long ago abandoned? How long before I take my final breath? How long before I get my fair share be it good or bad? It's all so much...I keep trying to make decisions that I THINK are right for me but it seems that everything I do there is this little voice saying this is wrong...YOU ARE WRONG. Why? Sometimes I wish I could sleep all my problems away and not have to wake up the next day to deal with them.Until next post smooches laters

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