In my Beyonce voice...I've been thinking...I've been thinking..
My entire life...I've been an individual. I'm not saying it like some PBS special or as a cry for attention and acceptance. Nor am I saying as a self gratifying statement of superiority. I understand and readily accept that every person is an INDIVIDUAL and no two people are ever the same. I've never ever found anyone like me, anyone who thought like me, found the same things funny in the same way I do. EVER. At least not fully. I've come across individuals who share common interests here and there, people who like most of the things I do or have the same thoughts and opinions of some matters as myself. To that point, I've never found someone who was more than 50% in sync with me. I constantly find myself "chameleoning" as I refer to it. Expressing certain thoughts and views based solely on who I am surrounded by though I try to remain 100% genuine to my own opinions, thoughts and feelings. I won't change how I feel about something simply because of who I am around.
When you grow up inherently and knowingly different than those around you, even those closest to you, like family, you can develop a sense of independent loneliness. You learn (hopefully) to be comfortable in your independence but understand that along with that independence comes a degree of loneliness.
This was/is my reality. When I chose my career path, I had no one who was even remotely similar to me to look to. No guidance, no support, no words of caution, no words of strength, no jewels of wisdom. Nothing. No representation. In a world like today, representation can matter more than one might think. Trailblazers have become a dime a dozen but are still built on that same sense of independent loneliness.
As my career has developed and shaped itself, especially since completing an advanced degree the reality of that lifelong individuality has become ever more pronounced. To the point where it has started to bleed into my everyday life. It's becoming increasing harder to be satisfied with my social life, knowing that my professional life choices are affected by those social choices. No longer, it seems, can the two run parallel. More and more they are becoming intertwined. Which leads to my thinking....will there be a breaking point? Will the tangible relationships that have sustained me at 50% soon no longer be enough? Has my lifelong foray of forced independent loneliness become a hindrance? Is this apparent bleed through bad? Good? Neutral? A natural development?
Until next post...laters
When you grow up inherently and knowingly different than those around you, even those closest to you, like family, you can develop a sense of independent loneliness. You learn (hopefully) to be comfortable in your independence but understand that along with that independence comes a degree of loneliness.
This was/is my reality. When I chose my career path, I had no one who was even remotely similar to me to look to. No guidance, no support, no words of caution, no words of strength, no jewels of wisdom. Nothing. No representation. In a world like today, representation can matter more than one might think. Trailblazers have become a dime a dozen but are still built on that same sense of independent loneliness.
As my career has developed and shaped itself, especially since completing an advanced degree the reality of that lifelong individuality has become ever more pronounced. To the point where it has started to bleed into my everyday life. It's becoming increasing harder to be satisfied with my social life, knowing that my professional life choices are affected by those social choices. No longer, it seems, can the two run parallel. More and more they are becoming intertwined. Which leads to my thinking....will there be a breaking point? Will the tangible relationships that have sustained me at 50% soon no longer be enough? Has my lifelong foray of forced independent loneliness become a hindrance? Is this apparent bleed through bad? Good? Neutral? A natural development?
Until next post...laters
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