You First

Once while on a night out with some friends during grad school, our group got accosted by an intoxicated man. While we tried our best not to engage him too much, eventually we switched strategies from simply ignoring him to curtly yet politely answer questions. That also didn't work. At one point he states to my very prim and proper British friend "off you fuck" to which she gave what has become the most iconic of replies..."you first". I was recently reminded of this event while having a conversation with a friend of mine. I've had this friend since my formative years, in fact they have seen me at some of my worst moments. Not only was I reminded of our years of friendship, I was also reminded of how much I've grown over the years...and how much growth was still left to do. I was literally livid when they made a passive comment about my dating history. Though I am certain that the comment wasn't malicious, I couldn't help but be so angry with their perceptions and also how much their perception bothered me. I am generally not bothered by what people think of me. I can't control that. I can control how I let it affect me. And how I let it affect me was what lead to me thinking about that night out and my friends response. When they made the comment, I struggled to defend and justify myself. As I felt myself doing that, I stopped mid battle and stated I didn't think I needed to explain or defend myself to someone who I thought had my back no matter what. Their response was "I'm trying to understand". 


In the end there is no need to "understand". Just let me be. Accept me as I am. My dating history isn't something that needs to analyzed and interpreted. Frankly my dear...off you fuck.


Until next post...laters

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