Breathing a little easier

I'll start by sharing what I posted on social media in light of the fourteen year anniversary of the Virginia Tech shooting: 

14 years ago I posted to Facebook "fine right now, cell phones aren't working. Call room phone". Fourteen years ago, we still had landlines in college dorm rooms. Fourteen years ago I'd just bought my first car. Fourteen years ago we could walk into any building on campus freely. Recently I was visiting the campus of Georgia Tech and needed to use the restroom in a nearby building. As I walked up, i noticed that I needed a GT ID in order to access that door. I immediately thought in that moment "My university is the reason that this university has secured doors". Fourteen years of treating a wound that never really heals, seeing the scars on your everyday life, of reminders, of knowing that day is a fundamental part of who you are and how you navigate through the world.

#NeverForget #LiveFor32 #Hokie4Life

On the heels of this anniversary came the verdict of the Chauvin trial,  the trial for the former police officer who was the international catalyst of the civil unrest and racial accountability that came to a head in 2020. After almost two days of deliberation, the jury found him guilty on all charges for the murder of #GeorgeFloyd. 

Honestly, it felt like a little respite from the lack of justice for Trevon Martin, Philando Castile, Sandra Bland, Ahmad Aubrey BREONNA TAYLOR and more. All people of color that have died by the hands of either police or those who thought that they had a right to take extreme action. 

Personally, I've been thinking more and more about my decision to not be a mother. While I'm still very steadfast in my resolve not to birth a child, there are different type of parents. I've been thinking more about adoption or fostering. In having these thoughts, I've also been reflecting on those stages...if we adopted a black or POC child at what age to I give them the "talk". Not about sex but how to interact with police officers especially. It would have to be me, J isn't from or had to deal with that world. We've literally had a full fight and even separated for a little around that very topic. How he really can't protect or prepare a child for something like this with no experience. What about the talk about gun safety? Just about anyone in this country can get their hands on a weapon and a mass shooting can happen anywhere. We've seen it at places of worship, post offices, grocery stores,  concerts or in my case school. How do you prepare a person for that reality?

Am I prepared for my heart to walk the streets with little protection?

In lieu of thinking only of the whatifs and what could be...I'm going to appreciate that the family of George Floyd has a little piece of justice today. I'm going to think of and support other victims of mass shootings that are still trying to make it. 

With the anniversary of the Virginia Tech Shooting just passing and the string of violence so prevalent in the news, I've been thinking a lot about the survivors. The ones who lived & are living with such heavy traumas.   Some days are especially hard but keep going.

Until next post....laters