Queer "Patriarchy"

Sometimes, being a queer woman with a lot of gay male friends is hard. It feels like when typing this, I'm like "woe is me," and I don't want to come off like that. It's more like even in queerdom (which took a while to even realize) the patriarchy reigns supreme. I've had a delightful day of adventures and working, but with another day off, I'm not quite ready to go home. 

So, what do I do? I head to a gay bar
..a male dominant one. I live in a place with one of the few truly lesbian/queer women friendly bar left in the US and yet instead of being a patron there, I went to the gay bar. Yes, it is closer to home, but from where I am coming from...does it really matter geographically? If I'm honest...no not really. Why is it that even when the opportunity presents itself for me to make the full-fledged decision to be in my fullness, I still shy away? I still default to the "norm"? I still deny myself?

 There's a small part of me who acknowledges that it's because I may not be in an emotional place to not be led by the physical. The other part of me, the more dominant part still feels like the "fruit fly" ,"fag hag" not the fag. One day, perhaps I'll be in a less stereotypical patriarchal mentality....but as it stands right now, ....until next post laters 

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