The past few weeks I've been having various versions of the same dream. Something happens tragically to J (death, injury, disappearance) and I am not only witnessing it I can't stop it from happening. However, I still try to. I scream, I fight, I look for help, every time and it's always the same outcome. His demise and my sorrow. I mentioned it casually to my therapist who pretty much posed the question: what am I not talking about to him? What am i holding on to that is manifesting in this way? Tonight, he came home after a night out. He was loud, he brought home some folx he'd just met and though he did apologize for not warning me and for the disturbance, he didn't adjust his behavior. That's when it hit me (well technically 3 hours later when I couldn't sleep) it's the constant lack of consideration and thinking of me (and by extension my needs) that I afford to him. If I've come in from being out...I tiptoe in. I barely turn on lights. I get u...
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