So yesterday being my 18th b-day I milked it for all it was worth...I walked around campus w/ a crown on and had everybody even strangers telling me happy b-day...it was great...I'm really not even into b-days like that but it was my 18th and that doesn't come around all rhe time....I even had the FOOTBALL PLAYERS giving me hug.....and just in case you didn't know football players are REALLY big here so of course I was overly excited.....any how my b-day is over but I'm still 18 and I feel great because people can stop calling me a young one now.......yyyyyyyeeeeeesssssss.......laters
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The past few weeks I've been having various versions of the same dream. Something happens tragically to J (death, injury, disappearance) and I am not only witnessing it I can't stop it from happening. However, I still try to. I scream, I fight, I look for help, every time and it's always the same outcome. His demise and my sorrow. I mentioned it casually to my therapist who pretty much posed the question: what am I not talking about to him? What am i holding on to that is manifesting in this way? Tonight, he came home after a night out. He was loud, he brought home some folx he'd just met and though he did apologize for not warning me and for the disturbance, he didn't adjust his behavior. That's when it hit me (well technically 3 hours later when I couldn't sleep) it's the constant lack of consideration and thinking of me (and by extension my needs) that I afford to him. If I've come in from being out...I tiptoe in. I barely turn on lights. I get u...
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