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Summer Olympics 2012!!!

What takes over my life for two weeks every four years? The Summer Olympics of course! I love the Olympics b/c of the spirit behind it. To me (and I think the rest of the world too) the olympics are about being on an even playing field and universal commadarie. For two weeks every four years we set aside our wars and our differences and just try make our countrymen proud. In addition most of the athletes are amped to meet and compete against their idols or people who are generally important to their respective sport. This year was especially awesome for me because this is the first Olympics in history (thirty games thus far) where every country has sent a woman delegate. Keep making strides world!!!! So being Jamaican I generally always watch the track and field events if nothing elses,this year I decided I was going to watch as much of the televised events as I possibly could. Its been pretty cool because I think I have seen just about every event from Judo to Shooting to Archery to ...
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Decide

The past few weeks I've been having various versions of the same dream. Something happens tragically to J (death, injury, disappearance) and I am not only witnessing it I can't stop it from happening. However, I still try to. I scream, I fight, I look for help, every time and it's always the same outcome. His demise and my sorrow. I mentioned it casually to my therapist who pretty much posed the question: what am I not talking about to him? What am i holding on to that is manifesting in this way? Tonight, he came home after a night out. He was loud, he brought home some folx he'd just met and though he did apologize for not warning me and for the disturbance, he didn't adjust his behavior.  That's when it hit me (well technically 3 hours later when I couldn't sleep) it's the constant lack of consideration and thinking of me (and by extension my needs) that I afford to him. If I've come in from being out...I tiptoe in. I barely turn on lights. I get u...
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Hmm So this is it huh??

Do you remember as a kid always wanting to grow up? You wanted to be your own person, make your own rules and just be in charge. Well as I reflect on this need that manifested its self at the ripe ole age of 10 I realize I had no clue what I was getting into. Now that I am paying my own bills, taking care of myself as well as another living being and generally trying to make it as my own person, it sort of sucks. Don't get me wrong there have been some highlights but when you put it all in prospective and crunch the numbers, I am kinda on the wrong end of the toilet we call life. So how do I adjust? Or is this it? I don't mean to sound pessimistic and all but I have that constant sense that I am struggling. I don't mean financially or anything along those lines, I guess its more personally or in general. I feel like I am treading water but not really swimming anywhere. To put it bluntly I'm in a super funk that is damping my general overview if life and I can't seem...
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