I'm so excited because I'm going home tomorrow, well technically Friday morning but I'm leaving Thursday night. I can't wait especially because lots of my friends don't know I'm coming so it will be a surprise. The only part really annoying me though is the fact I don't know what to pack. I mean everything that I need is already home.....so I don't know. Another thing that kinda bums me out is the fact that I'm going to miss this really cool frat party. Oh well there's no place like home.......
Decide
The past few weeks I've been having various versions of the same dream. Something happens tragically to J (death, injury, disappearance) and I am not only witnessing it I can't stop it from happening. However, I still try to. I scream, I fight, I look for help, every time and it's always the same outcome. His demise and my sorrow. I mentioned it casually to my therapist who pretty much posed the question: what am I not talking about to him? What am i holding on to that is manifesting in this way? Tonight, he came home after a night out. He was loud, he brought home some folx he'd just met and though he did apologize for not warning me and for the disturbance, he didn't adjust his behavior. That's when it hit me (well technically 3 hours later when I couldn't sleep) it's the constant lack of consideration and thinking of me (and by extension my needs) that I afford to him. If I've come in from being out...I tiptoe in. I barely turn on lights. I get u...
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