Tonight was another horrible day. First off like I said I'm sick so I am finally recovering but ended up over sleeping and missing work. This makes it the second Friday in a row that I have been written up. I hope they don't think that I'm making a habit of this because I really am not. My friends went out tonight but there were no good parties so they just came knocking at my door so they could hit up my movie collection. After all I do have quite a few really good movies. I didn't really want to watch it with them because I'm tired. That being said I'm going to bed. Laters
Decide
The past few weeks I've been having various versions of the same dream. Something happens tragically to J (death, injury, disappearance) and I am not only witnessing it I can't stop it from happening. However, I still try to. I scream, I fight, I look for help, every time and it's always the same outcome. His demise and my sorrow. I mentioned it casually to my therapist who pretty much posed the question: what am I not talking about to him? What am i holding on to that is manifesting in this way? Tonight, he came home after a night out. He was loud, he brought home some folx he'd just met and though he did apologize for not warning me and for the disturbance, he didn't adjust his behavior. That's when it hit me (well technically 3 hours later when I couldn't sleep) it's the constant lack of consideration and thinking of me (and by extension my needs) that I afford to him. If I've come in from being out...I tiptoe in. I barely turn on lights. I get u...
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